I am so truly blessed! I hear of all these people getting sick or disabilities or even diasters happening. And here I am have my health, may not be the best but much better than most. I live in safe area I can sleep at night without worrying about my safety. I have food, clean water, clothes, the love of my family. I love that they will share their thoughts and opinions with me and love no matter what choice I make. Most of you know some of my childhood and all that I have been thru, some may not. But I am starting to write a book about it, should I post any of it here or what? It's gonna be sad for some, I am gonna call them out, I have on a few already and nothing. They have no answer for the way they treated me. But really how do you think that child can be treated the way they are and not have some kind of feelings toward yu because of it?? Serious! Wow I totally went on many tangents! Sorry. But you also know how random I am to.... Oh look something shiney!

I went to California this past weekend. Drove- why?? Sheesh what a long drive, worked all day then drove all night. I finally had to pull over about 12:30, right outside of Bakersfield and sleep. Got up about 4:30 and back on the road! Got to Sacramento about 8 met up with Jennifer, Vanessa and their cute little babies. Ok they are almost 2 but whatever. We ran errands had lunch painted nails all that girlie stuff. But so fun. I will post some pics of lunch later. Jen and I hung out for the rest of the night.
Friday I left to go visit with family in Clayton. I love being around family. It's so nice. Ok. So the real reason I went out was- I know if I don't tell ya then Cathe will get on here and tell. I had met someone over a month ago and we have been talking since and decided that it was time to meet so we did. And let me just say.... Amazing. Even better in person than I could have ever imagined! The weekend went well. So who knows what the future holds!

I am so blessed! I was able to attend time out for woman with my grandmother, sister, Lisa on Friday and my grams and holly on Saturday. It was wonderful. I love the music and the messages that were given. The time that I got to spend with family and friends. I live that I know ever Wednesday I have a date with my grams to go to the temple, the fact that my friends know and know that I plan around that. Since I have moved back to Arizona I have met some amazing friends reconnected with some old friends- who doesn't love face book??

Testing this from my phone. If it works maybe I will be better at adding to it!

sorry its a rant i know...

I am wondering how you can miss someone so much that was in your life for such a short time. All while being the world to me and everything I ever wanted or needed! She should be here to take care of me. And people wonder why I have much anger towards him! sorry I am using this to rant, but it has been bothering me latley. I think that when we are sick we miss our parents the most, I know I do.

on a good note my brother Hayden is back from Korea, he is in Lousianna and hates it! Thera is doing awsome, so is my brother Robert.

I do have to say I am so thankful for foreverness.... and the choices that I have made that I will be with my family forever!

I have been doing good, enjoying this arizona heat!!! i think that i am a lizard, i love it. lots of choices that i need to make, i need to get my behind in gear and do it.

so one day...

i will try to be better at this...what do you expect, perfection, i think not! yall know how i can be, just not on here, i guess. there is hope however. i have been at least thinking about updating it.

i still need to get more pictures on here. so stay tuned for that. wow, blogging and face booking...busy busy.

oh...i will say this, i have met some amazing friends this past year! i love them! more to come with that too.

i miss my little brother, i guess he feels that he can go to korea and not talk to us anymorem he is such a brat. i am sad..... oh well he will be back someday.

all totally random, but its what was there.

I am bored...

I have been sick for the past few days and in fear of getting anyone sick i am stuck in my room! Yeah for me and tonsillitis...uggg...

help!!!

there has got to be an easier way...for a lot of things, but this rant is for someone who knows how to add pictures to a post. I got them on there, but it only puts them at the top. I can move them. but is there a better way?? or do I have to continue to move them....????

Gratefull...

Today was great! I had a wonderful time hanging out with most of the family!!

My Aunt and Uncle who live in Mesa hosted it, and did a major portion of the cooking. My Grandma Thera made the best wheat rolls. Yummy! Thera and Brian. Uncle Val, Aunt Cathe, and Cousin Lee from Northern Ca., Aunt Di from Utah, Cousins Lisa and Danie and their 4 legged kids from Vegas, Dave, Cole (and little peanut not here yet) and Sterling from Queen Creek., Dana, Kim (their little peanut due 5 days after Cole) Brian. Nick Nicholson, Lisa and Chris...Um I think that is it.

Anyway, tons of friends and family. We ate lots of food, watched football and launched water balloons. Nick was upset that the balloons did not pop when we caught them...so we saved them all and planned an attach after. Although it didn't work too well as he ran inside, we still threw the balloons at him as he stood behind the screen door. Thera broke Cara's wreath off the door...oopsies!

It was good times and as usual, I took a zillion pictures. Can't wait to see them on every ones Christmas cards this year!

I hope everyone had a great time being with their families.

I am very grateful for family and friends like you all!

Twilight...

thanks to the cutest little sissy anyone can have I am starting to read the book. I just started the other day. I am going to try to finish it before Thanksgiving so I can go watch it with the family.

So far I like it, which is different for me since most of the books I read are not anything like this.

A wonderful weekend...

This weekend was a good one! Friday I learned how to Waltz...ok the others learned, I tried to learn. I am very grateful for VERY patient guys. Thanks guys!!! Then we kicked it up a notch and danced to a bit of everything. I had a great time, there were just a few people there. Great cookies (yes I made them) I actually got in somewhat early too!

Since I moved out to Gilbert, with the greatest roommate ever.... I have invaded her house. When I moved back from California, I had gotten rid off all my furniture and other household stuff- So when I moved into Holly's house the room was empty and we put all my stuff in the hallway. Not just a hallway, but the main one right as you walk in the house. She was totally cool with it. Well I got all that cleaned up Saturday. It felt good to get it done. We had ward temple day and then potluck while we had tithing settlement. I had the best brownies ever- and found out that I would have to run for 4 hours to work them...I am so ok with that! That is how great they were!!! So for the second night in a row I got home totally early! I started reading my book and for some odd reason started cleaning up something and that started it! I was up till 3 am cleaning! And for those of you who know me know that when I get like that just get out of my way. So now we have a clean house!

Sunday I slept in...kinda. I got up way too early, but it was ok since I had gotten a great message from a friend. So I was fasting yesterday and again today...but not a 2 day one, I had to eat last night. So anyway, I am pondering some major decisions right now. I will write more about that later, after I figure out which way I want to go with it. We had 2 wonderful talks today on gratitude! And then Brother Harkey gave a lesson, he revisited a lesson from a few years ago "how's that working for you" It was about being single in the church, and was really good. I also had to walk around with scorpion guts on my shoe thanks to chalk. I had dinner over at my roomates sisters house, it was yummy!!!

hummm....

Well I think that I am going to start posting with some older pictures and stuff. Since everyone is always wondering what we- myself, my sister and brother have been doing. Is that silly, not sure, but oh well. Oh my sister does have a blog...it is linked on the side...I am sure that you can figure it out. I am still trying to figure this all out myself.

Finally!!

I remembered my password, so I will be updating it more!

I do have to say I am so blessed, I have an amazing family and friends! Today was General Conference, I had about 11 friends over to watch it....a few cute boys too. It is so great to have friends that believe the same things that I believe in, with the same moral standards. It was so quiet as we watched this morning, not sure if it was because we did not get to sleep until 4 this morning and up by 9am, with breakfast potluck stuff made. None of fell asleep, it was great! I love everyone in my life, they help keep me on track!

ok serious!!!

I really need to figure this whole thing out, can someone tell me how to add others blogs to my page. jeepers, this is hard. I am gonna find some 5yr, they will know how to do it. lol

At least I figured out how to do the background, get used to it. May not be able to figure how to change it again.

sometimes I forget...

I some times wonder if I should have a blog. I don't have children, or anything very exciting to write about. But I guess your here reading it. So I am either helping you mess around at work and not get your job done, or heping you waste time on the computer. Either way, I am glad your here.

But really, should I?? Go ahead give me your two cents...

Ok...so very big news, not mine, but my cousin Nicole is engaged!!! And no we did not have to pay him...lol I am very excited for her. They--Dave and Nicole are getting married on August 10th, 2008. Its coming up, very fun and exciting. I am so happy for the both of them. I love my rolie polie colie!!

thoughts from that day!!

This is a blog I had written that I posted on myspace....
~~~~~~~~~~~
February 23, 2008 - Saturday
Thoughts from one day in my life Current mood: gloomy Category: Life
Thoughts from one day in my life

As I woke up this morning, all I can think about is my Saturday 17 years ago. My morning started out like a typical Saturday morning when you're on vacation. Not wanting to do all the things that parents have planned for you, you know typical teenage attitude. Little did I know when I woke up that I would be spending my last few hours with my mom? I just went about my day, listening to my music, writing my friends and in my journal. I was wrapped up in a blanket mad knowing that I was not going to go home with a tan, after all isn't it suppose to be warm in Mexico? I was told that I need to get ready to go on a family outing...oh fun!!! Don't parents know that my music is more important than going to a stinky town and spend way too much on stupid little things that we will probably loose before the weekend is up? Fine, I will go, since I AM being made to go. I gather my things go downstairs, inquire why mother is not going; I guess she is not feeling good. Why couldn't I have had a headache I would have been able to stay home too? Oh well, grab my camera, music and journal and hop in the van. Well we finally leave for the museum since father took so much time making us sit in the van! Seems like we are at the museum forever, but we finally leave. Now if that was not just the greatest part of my weekend, we go see a stupid beached whale. Why on earth would you??? Well make the most of it; at least I got to drive. Yeah what 16 yr old would not want to drive a mini van with father, and the younger ones in it? Yup that will attract the cute boys that are oh so important at that time in a young girl's life. Yippee we are finally done hanging around this stinky whale, now that we have been gone for a few hours. WTH, why is he acting like he has no idea where to go, forget it, he is just an adult what does he know. I am a teenage driver I know the way back, geez don't listen to him. No problem, I am driving so I will get up back in no time. Again WTH, there is the house now WHY are you telling me to keep driving; I want to turn here to go to the house....whatever! I keep driving, wow there is actually someone else on this road, a little black truck. That is really weird; I just got the strangest feeling come over me. I look over at him, without me even saying anything I am being told "don't worry, everything will be ok" OOOKKK that is a little out of left field was the only thing that came to my mind. Screw it; I am turning this van around. Pulling into the house the two little ones are very excited to tell mother about their time at the museum and the beached whale. The young boy ran into the room where mother was sleeping, jumped up on the bed. Right behind him was the young sister, not as excited, but wanting to see mother too and just get love. Only to find our mother was lying there and not the way that we left her. Images that will haunt them for the rest of their lives are all they saw. I turned saw my young sister staring at me, white as a ghost. Trying to tell me that our mother was not breathing, please go check on her. I go into the room, only to be stopped by father, him asking me if mother is breathing. He did not want me to go into the room, what is he hiding, I did, and I too will be haunted by what I saw. Why would any father bring his children back to this, innocent children not deserving to have this happen in their lives? I tell father that I know where the ambulance building is, since we had no phone or power. We better hurry, why is he taking forever, lets go. We get outside finally, what!? Why does he want to pray, we don't have time for this. She is on the bed, we still may be able to help her, what are you thinking. Finally, we are on our way, drive faster dang it, urrgg. What is your problem, why do you act so stupid at such a time like this? He gets out, tells them what is wrong; in a language that I don't fully understand. They are behind us; again he is driving slowly, why they have their sirens on, that means we should be able to go faster than this. Finally! We are her to help you mother, what I can't go in, I have to stay out here with the younger ones. Again what are you hiding, not wanting me to go inside, speaking behind my back, thinking that I can not hear or understand? He must think I am stupid, I am onto something here. Oh great, others are coming out of theirs house, why are they so noisy? I am fine out here; I don't want to come in. Ok; it is a bit cold out here. Oh your husband is a doctor, sure go help. Oh they are putting mother in the ambulance, why isn't he going with her? I guess he is driving us. This is the weirdest looking hospital, very small, not very clean. I can see where they have her at, oh more images! What is that strange voice that I hear? I look around, I see no one, but who is talking? Why is my mother telling me it is up to me, to do what is needed and take care of the younger ones? I am not old enough for this, yes mother as you wish. They could have at least cleaned themselves up before they come out and talk to him. I knew, the look on his face is not one I will forget. I never told her goodbye, never told her I love her. Will she know, how will I make sure that she does? Oh, it is too late to tell her now. Why, why now, why her, she is so great, she has so many things left to do. They are too young to be without a mother. I have lived my life without parents, I am fine, but them. Look at them, young innocence, not even knowing what is going on. Why hasn't he told them, he took them aside one by one? More things to haunt their lives, little do they know this is only the beginning. The rest of our lives have been changed because of fathers' choices. Why, he could have chosen a different way, I will never know? Will anyone, I guess only god knows. I had to live with the monster for another year. Who are these people and why are they going thru everything, my house is being torn apart; they finally took him and caged him. During that time, it was hell; being fed lies is no way to live. I have been torn between family and friends. The year after seemed to be even worse, who are these people who think that they live here? Why all the parties, this is very rude. I go visit, but it is not somewhere a beautiful young girl should be. I should be in school, instead of hanging out downtown, with people who don't want me around. Wow the year goes by, and he will never be un-caged! I spend the next few years trying to get over things. Oh what, I don't remember that, oh my, that is not what I was being told. Yes sir I swear, that is how I remember it. What again, why do I open these things. Well, here we go again, but this time things will be different. I have to listen to what mother said, it is up to me- finally!

Now I sit here 17 years later and think, why, why didn't the monster make different choices? If he had, where would I be, what would I have done? I would not be in this much pain, still. I would have mother here with me, helping my through my trials in life. So many things have happened in our lives that mother should have been with us.

Things I took for granted, I thought that I would have more time. If I could only have one more day, a day to tell you those things I did not. To share more dreams with you as we had the day before. To finish planning the trip that we were going to take together. I will just have to wait to see her again, as I will be with her again. Until that time, I will just have to live my life so that I can make that happen.

@~~~~Love you mom, thank you for teaching me all that you have in the short time that we had with each other. The younger ones miss you and love you too, please give them the strength to start healing.

Ok, so have some patience with me while I try to figure this out. Not that i don't have anything else to do...

In the mean time email me if you want willoughbymarsha@yahoo.com I am also willing to take suggestions on how to make this all work and look cute....HELP!

Ryan & Vanessa Hibbard

I have had the wonderful opportunity of watching a relationship grow into deep love. I will forever be changed by that.

The whole family are very wonderful people.

(hum funny thing, I just found this in my drafts...I am a dork. I remember starting it, could not figure out what had happened to it...)